Tag: Writing

  • The Pen That Thought It Was a Fighter Plane

    The Pen That Thought It Was a Fighter Plane

    Retro 51 Limited Edition Fountain Pen P-51 Mustang
    Retro 51’s P-51 Mustang fountain pen captures the look and spirit of one of history’s most iconic fighter aircraft.

    I bought a fountain pen from a pen retailer in the United States even though it came with exorbitant shipping because it looked like a P-51 Mustang.

    This is not the strangest sentence I have ever written, but it is certainly in the running.

    The pen is a limited-edition Retro 51 Tornado fountain pen inspired by the legendary WWII fighter aircraft. It is covered in rivets, military markings, weathered aluminium, and enough aviation detail to make any history enthusiast smile.

    And yes, the rivets are real. Someone at Retro 51 was meticulous enough to think of physically indenting the rivets into the barrel. As a result, owners of the pen were able to run their fingers over the barrel and feel the aircraft skin beneath their fingers.

    Close-up of the barrel of the Retro 51 Tornado P-51 Mustang
    One of my favourite details: the rivets are actually raised, giving the pen the feel of a miniature aircraft fuselage.

    I have always been drawn to objects with stories attached to them. Beautiful objects are nice. Beautiful objects that carry history are irresistible.

    The P-51 Mustang was not just another fighter aircraft. Introduced during World War II, it became one of the most important aircraft of the war. Equipped with the Rolls-Royce Merlin engine and long-range fuel tanks, it could escort American bombers deep into Germany and bring them safely home.

    Before the Mustang, bomber crews often found themselves unprotected once they flew beyond the range of escort fighters. German aircraft would attack the bombers, inflicting devastating losses. The Mustang changed that. It could accompany bombers all the way to their targets and back again while engaging enemy fighters along the way.

    Historians generally regard it as one of the aircraft that helped the Allies gain air superiority over Europe. It was fast, dependable, heavily armed, and beloved by the pilots who flew it.

    In other words, it earned its reputation.

    Which is probably why I find it so appealing.

    The pen itself looks as though it was assembled from salvaged aircraft parts. It has a weathered metal finish, rivet details, squadron-style markings, and even a bright checkerboard nose pattern reminiscent of those seen on wartime aircraft.

    It is quite possibly, the only fountain pen I own that appears capable of escorting a formation of bombers over occupied Europe.

    Unfortunately, my particular fighter plane spent several months grounded. The nib wrote poorly enough that I rarely used it, despite loving everything else about the pen. Recently, I had the nib adjusted by a nibmeister. The result was transformative.

    Retro 51 Tornado P-51 Mustang fountain pen
    Thankfully, it writes with ink rather than .50 calibre machine guns.

    My Mustang can now fly.

    I inked it with Platinum Carbon Blue, a permanent blue-black ink that seems perfectly suited to a pen inspired by military aviation.

    Perhaps that is the real reason I love fountain pens. They are not merely tools. They are tiny vessels for stories.

    Some tell stories about literature. Some tell stories about art. Some tell stories about travel.

    And some tell stories about a fighter aircraft that helped change the course of history.

    Not bad for a pen.

  • Dating.com: How I Went Looking for Love and Left as a Lesbian Cat

    Dating.com: How I Went Looking for Love and Left as a Lesbian Cat

    Hazard Rating: High

    Classification: Identity Transformation Event

    Status: Closed

    Casualties: One dating profile

    Survivors: One cat

    There comes a point in every woman’s life when she asks herself an important question:

    “What if I tried online dating?”

    That is usually followed by a second question:

    “How difficult could it possibly be?”

    The answer, as it turns out, is:

    Much more difficult than becoming a lesbian cat.

    Several years ago, I joined Dating.com.

    My expectations were modest.

    I wasn’t looking for a billionaire.

    I wasn’t looking for a prince.

    I wasn’t even looking for a man who owned a vineyard in Tuscany and wrote poetry by moonlight.

    I was merely looking for a reasonably functional human male.

    The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard.

    Yet somehow, Dating.com managed to limbo beneath it.

    Within minutes of creating my profile, my inbox exploded.

    Men from every corner of the globe were suddenly desperate to speak to me.

    The speed at which they appeared was remarkable.

    My Spidey senses tingled when every message followed the same general pattern:

    “Hello beautiful”

    “Hello dear”

    “You seem very special”

    As I began interacting with a few of the men, a pattern emerged.

    Every interaction seemed to require credits.

    Credits to read messages.

    Credits to send messages.

    Credits to continue conversations.

    Credits to open letters and “gifts” the men sent.

    Presumably credits to blink.

    At this point I began to suspect that the platform’s true purpose was not matchmaking.

    It was harvesting credit card information with the enthusiasm of a combine harvester during wheat season.

    Naturally, I decided to leave.

    This should have been simple.

    Normal websites allow you to close an account and move on with your life.

    Dating.com appeared to view this as an optional feature.

    The experience felt less like cancelling an account and more like trying to resign from a secret society.

    At my wits’ end, it suddenly occurred to me:

    If I could not escape as myself, perhaps I could reinvent myself.

    History is full of great transformations.

    The caterpillar becomes a butterfly.

    The tadpole becomes a frog.

    The frog becomes a prince (although sometimes it’s the other way around).

    And apparently, I was about to become a cat.

    First, I changed my profile photo.

    Out went my human face.

    In came my cat.

    I have to say that she’s far more photogenic than I have ever been.

    And she had better cheekbones.

    Next, I changed my name.

    If one is going to become a cat, one should commit fully.

    I became:

    Kitty Purry.

    At this point, I was no longer sure whether I was deleting a dating profile or launching a music career.

    Finally, I adjusted my dating preferences.

    Since I was now a cat, I reasoned that normal rules no longer applied.

    I selected:

    Interested in women.

    And with that, my transformation was complete.

    I had entered the platform as a heterosexual woman.

    I left as a lesbian cat.

    Investigator’s Notes

    No cats were harmed during this identity transformation event.

    The author has since returned to being human.

    Kitty Purry’s current whereabouts remain unknown.